


life's not what you make it

by emilia_kaisa



Series: advent challenge 2019 [15]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Bittersweet Ending, Idk what this is but here we go, Lack of Communication, M/M, Not Beta Read, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21809461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: I wasn't looking for trouble but trouble cameI wasn't looking to change, I'll never be the sameBut life's not what you make it, baby
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Sergei Voronov
Series: advent challenge 2019 [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559338
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	life's not what you make it

**Author's Note:**

> 15th fic of the challenge! A lil messy but I quite like it so here we go!  
> Song: 'Postcard' by First Aid Kit

Everything was new, and exciting. New coach, new team, and also a new country, big, new, an ocean away from Russia. It was a bit strange, and exciting, and nothing could really ruin his positive attitude, even Nikolai's approach to his coaching duties. In the end, Sergei had known what he was signing for when chose that path.

But he hadn’t expected that.

It came to them easily, a spark born in between warm smiles and stolen glances across the rink. Javi’s English was better than his, but he was still struggling, and his cheeks would turn pink after some minutes of fumbling with words and tenses, his voice getting a little bit higher and accent a bit heavier.

He was charming and warm, and a little bit lost, and all those things were making Sergei drawn to him. It was good, to be close to someone radiating so much warmth and hope, even if his expression would sometimes get clouded for a moment, a flicker of something odd in his eyes, a shadow running through his expression. But then, a blink of an eye later, he would smile again, as bright as before.

They befriended each other pretty quickly, joking around and gesticulate a lot but somehow understanding each other perfectly.

And then, it suddenly started to feel like a little bit more.

* * *

There was something between them, and Sergei wasn't sure what to do about it.

It was one thing, to be attracted to a guy, and more, his training mate, and his competitor at the same time. And also, it was Javi, who was so much, who was a friend, and who was too important to mess with him. 

It wasn't like it was love, exactly. 

Things were good, and he didn't need more, until one night in late August, when he padded downstairs to get some water from the kitchen and almost got a heartattack when someone shifted on the sofa in the cluttered living room. 

"Woah, what are you doing?" 

"Uh, sorry." Javi muttered, rubbing his eyes as he sat up "Scared you?" 

"Nah." Sergei said, sitting down next to him "You okay? Why here?" 

"Florent snores really loud after drinking."

"Ah." Sergei chuckled shortly, and then they sat in silence for a moment, until Javi inhaled sharply, and Sergei looked at him. 

"What?" he asked when he saw that Javi's expression was different than just a moment before, sleepiness gone, something new and unreadable there. 

"I was-" Javi swallowed visibly "I was wondering about something." 

"Yeah?" Sergei smiled encouragingly, but Javi still looked torn "Come on, say."

"I hope you won't be mad." Javi murmured and before Sergei could ask what he meant, Javi leaned in. 

* * *

It was a good summer. 

The months following weren't as bright though, lacking the careless warmth of those days and nights in Hackensack until they came back to Moscow and the new season started, intense and unforgiving. 

They stayed close, though, giving each other comfort, keeping each other on the surface when everything was so hard they wouldn't have been able to do it alone. 

They never talked about it. 

They remained as they had been before, friends, exchanging jokes and glances over their teammates' shoulders. But they never spoke a word about their feelings, and now-

-now Sergei is glad they didn't. It would only make everything too complicated to untangle, and now he can stand and pretend that it's all okay. 

"It's time." he says, pointing vaguely at the board with departuring flights "You can't be late." 

"Yeah." Javi nods, and swallows visibly "Thanks, for coming with me." 

"Of course." Sergei smiles, forcing his muscles to cooperate "Let me know when you arrive, yeah?" 

"Sure." Javi nods again, smiling weakly "I-" he hesitates and Sergei feels a ridiculous hope that he will say something that could explain what it all means, if it means anything at all. 

But in the end Javi just clears his throat and looks down at his shoes for a moment before looking up again, and now his smile is small and soft and so familiar. 

"Thank you." he says "For everything." 

Sergei wants to say something, desperately, but he is too afraid he will say too much, so he just shrugs and pats Javi's shoulder awkwardly before taking a step back. 

"Have a safe flight." is all he says, and he can already feel how they are drifting apart, even though Javi is still here, looking at him with expression as unreadable as that night months ago. 

"Yeah. I will." Javi chuckles "So… goodbye?" 

"Goodbye." he says and watches Javi walk away, quick and sure, each step bringing him closer home and farther away from that part of his life that just ended. 

Sergei watches until Javi disappears in the crowd by the security check, and takes a deep breath, trying to push down the words he never said and tries not to regret anything. 

_ I never knew what to say, could never get it right _

_ And I'm alone again at the end of night _

_ But life's not what you make it, baby _

_ Send me a postcard _

_ When you get to where you're going _

_ Send me a line _

_ To everything you've left behind _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
